So my mother is dead. Long live my mother. I feel a million things. I feel nothing, then i do, then nothing.
Where the fuck is she now? I am not christian, am not buddhist and i am not jewish nor muslim. So basically heaven or hell or anything in between is out of the question. I am supposed to be pagan or so-called neopagan. Big deal. isn' it? well yes it is. I really believe on earth (as in the planet Earth). And i choose to call it mother earth , and why not? Who's to tell me i am right? let alone wrong. I just looked around around for ideas, religions, phylosophies etc and found out that i don belong to any of them.

  Then i found way back than in a proper dictionary of witchcraft (of all things) i am identifying the most with neopaganism. FUCK ME! Jaayysis Chrisstah! is that what i am? Well it means shit to me but among all the shit i have read so far, that was the one i felt i could identify with (blah blah).

  Anyway i am rambling and this is not the rambling (or was it) that i wanted to make.

  My thoughts at the moment are about my mother. And i am not happy. Where the fuck is her soul?
 I found out that my friend was pregnant after mommy died, so i suggested to my friend to call her baby as my mother. She start singing something about "the circle of life"  and we both laugh. But is it too far fetch? At the end of it all, life is a wheel and it turns and it does so, so why not?

      I truly believe (without irony) that the energy that animates the human body or animal or plant or any life for that matter does not dissapear, but it does transform. Yes i know corpses and ashes and so do become food for other animals. But that is not what i am talking about. I am talking about the energy that animates us and everything around us, and makes us grow and develope and reproduce and then die and then bring life once more somehow. It's quite fabulous when you think of it.

  But basically means the origins of everything that happens on Earth ( don't really need a capital block, but i do nonetheless) really relies on (yes  you guess it  earth-the planet-).

    So if we come from earth and back to earth nothing really dies. NOT really. it all get recycled. And our  little planet is very clever at doing this shit. It has been doing it for a long long time..

  But what about the energy or the soul? Where is the energy that used to animate my mother's body  gone?

       Of course i have no more idea than the biggest priest in this planet ( which of course means shit to me).  But my guess (and yes i use my dead mother as an example) is that she lives in two ways:

  One is obviously in my memory ( and i shall talk about that over-rated tool we humans have), but also in the form of the energy that never left the planet. Because it cannot. That energy that animated my mother has not gone to Jupiter or Pluto or any other planet. Oh no, it remains on Earth, as it was produced by earth. Why the hell should it go to some heavens? It's moronic. And makes no sense.

   THE ONE THING NOR RELIGIOUS TYPES NOR SCIENTIST IS THE VERY SIMPLE QUESTION OF WHY?

   Why? do we die?
   Why do we exist and are borne?
   The only answers is because we do. Is a cycle, and we are part of it. NO more no less.


  The real question is not why the wheel turns, the real question is why?

  Not me not you nor no priest in any shape or form cant tell me why.

 So i choose my way. Mommy is not above nor below nor re-incarnated. She is just part of Earth.
  Body is gone so who cares? who needs it? not her. but the energy ( or soul, whatever), that animated and make that body happen to function is very possibly animating my friends baby.

   My real problem is that i miss my mommy as she was. But i feel solace thinking that she gave that energy to lovely new borne babe.

  AMEN (Whatever the fuck that means).

xOOX